Color Coded
by lexbria
Summary: Triple H gets into alot of trouble. His friends and family come up with a system to alert each other more easily.
1. Colors

Color Coded:

We (the family and friends of Hunter Hearst Helmsley) have grown concerned with the situation he gets himself into. They have become extremely hard to type out on a text message when needed in a state of emergency, so we have come up with a simple color coding system to help us asses the problem more affectively.

CODE RED: Hunter has upset Stephanie during "that time of the month".  
CODE GREEN: Hunter and Shawn (D-Generation X) have access to marijuana.  
CODE BLUE: Hunter is doing inappropriate things to Legend Ric Flair.  
CODE WHITE: Hunter is doing inappropriate things in the Women's Locker Room.  
CODE BLACK: Hunter is getting touched inappropriately.  
CODE PURPLE: Hunter is getting touched inappropriately by a man in a giant Barney suit.  
CODE BROWN: Hunter has shit his pants.  
CODE YELLOW: Hunter has pissed himself.  
CODE ORANGE: Hunter is having "fun" with fruit.  
CODE PINK: Hunter has gone shopping with Jeff Hardy.

Whenever faced with one of the aforementioned situations, send out a mass text/IM to everyone who should be concerned for immediate assistance.


	2. CODE RED

**A/N: **Guise? It's been more than a year. I don't deserve you mercy. Please accept this as a token of my apologies.

* * *

The house was oddly quiet as Jericho, Adam, Jay, Skye, and Andy approached the house. They wondered if they were too late. Adam, being the man of the group, stepped forward and twisted the knob, surprised to find it open.

"So I guess we're not going through the window this time," Andy muttered with her arms crossed. The _last_ thing she wanted was to deal with Hunter and his mood swinging wife.

"Oh cheer up Andy," Skylar said with a smile. "We get to help out our friend. Doesn't that make you happy?"

Andy didn't answer. She followed the group into the house, surveying the catastrophe that had befallen the living room. The piano was broken in, the glass coffee table smashed, the couch was sitting in the fireplace, and two ottomans had been tossed out the window. Various papers accompanied glass on the floor.

They sat in dead silence.

"You think we're too late?" Jay asked, pulling his arm free of Jericho. "Will you get off me?"

"I don't want to be here," Chris said, pure terror written on his face. "I've been on that side of Stephanie's rage, and trust me, it ain't pretty."

Suddenly, a scream was heard from the upstairs. Hunter ran to the balcony and fell off, curling up to Jay's leg. "Don't… don't let her get me…" he whimpered, tears streaming down his face. "So much blood… so… much blood…"

"Hey get up!" Adam said, pulling at his friend's arm. "Come on, what did you do?"

Hunter shook his head and tightened his grip. "She asked if it made her look fat… she told me to be honest…"

"And you believed her?" Andy yelled, kicking him in the side.

"No!" he whimpered. "No more pain!"

"Dammit," Adam said, running his hand through his hair. "Look, go get in the car. We'll talk to Stephanie and straighten this ou-"

"HUNTER!" a scream was heard from upstairs. Stephanie appeared overhead, a butcher knife in her hands. "BRING HIM TO ME. NOW."

"Stephanie, look," Jay said as Chris, Skylar and Hunter ran behind him in fear. "I know he said some things that were pretty insensitive, but maybe we can talk about it."

"NO TALK. JUST BLOOD."

"Don't you think you're being a tad bit unreasonable?"

"DIE!" Stephanie said, lunging at her husband. Jay ducked and the group scrambled, watching as the knife lodged itself into the wall. She tried pulling it out to no avail. Frantically, she searched the room, spying a poker from the fireplace under the couch. She grabbed it and ran over to where Hunter was hiding behind Adam.

"Move."

Adam grabbed at the poker, managing to get a hand on it. Stephanie tried to pull it away, but the man was much too strong.

"Stephanie, this is ridiculous!" Jay yelled. "Look, Hunter's obviously sorry, aren't you Hunter?"

"Go for the jugular!" Hunter yelled to Adam, who still had a hand on the poker. The rest of the group just stared on in disbelief.

"Or, you know what?" Andy said, grabbing her sister and friends. "Do what you want. Whatever happens, it's too good for him."

The all left the house and climbed in the jeep.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Skylar asked, watching as he fell, naked, through a window.

"He'll be fine," Adam said, turning up the music to drown out his friend's screams.


	3. CODE GREEN

"Bro, bro do you hear that?" Shawn asked, turning his blood red eyes on to his best friend. "Do you _hear_ that?"

"I hear it man," Hunter said, taking another hit of weed. He exhaled through his nose, bobbing his head along with the music playing in the background. "Wiz Khalifa is the shit."

"What? No," Shawn said, turning off the stereo. "I mean the voices. They're chanting."

"It's probably just Rose playing in the backyard."

"It's _two_ people, Hunt. And why would Rose be playing in the backyard at this hour?"

"Shawn, it's seven."

"Shh," the older man said, listening again. He got up and put his ear to the door, his eyes widening. "Come here," he mouthed to Hunter, who joined him on the floor. They listened to Hunter's oldest daughter, who seemed to be having an in depth conversation with someone outside. They peaked out the window and saw no one there.

"Who is she talking to?" Shawn asked, his eyes going wide. "Is she crazy? My God-daughter is going crazy! Hunter, why didn't you make Stephanie take her pills?"

"I don't know!" Hunter said, starting to cry. "I didn't want her to stop having sex with me, so I gave her whatever she wanted. What's wrong with me Shawn? What?" He smacked himself against the head, wiping his tears away as he did.

"Calm down Hunter! Right now, it's not about you. It's about Rose. We have to help her."

"What should we do?"

Shawn took a deep breath, his eyes calculating as he looked around the room. His attention jumped from the couch to the TV to the stereo to the chair sitting by the coffee table.

"I got it! We'll….ask her."

"You're brilliant!" Hunter said, pulling his best friend into a hug. "We're going to save my psycho daughter!"

"Come on, there isn't much time left. Her brain is deteriorating as we speak," Shawn said, opening the back door. They made their way across the lawn and to the play set where Rose was sitting on the swing. They stood on either side of her, their arms crossed in disapproval.

"Hi Daddy. Hi Uncle Shawn," Rose said in her sweet five-year-old voice.

"Don't you 'Hi Daddy and Uncle Shawn' me!" Hunter said with a disapproving glare. "Where were you on the day of April twenty-seventh?"

Rose giggled sweetly. "Daddy, you're funny. Aren't they?" she asked the empty swing next to her.

"Who are you talking to?"

"My friend Eddie."

Shawn and Hunter's faces fell immediately. They stared at the swing, which was still swinging itself.

"E-Eddie?"

"Uh huh. Eddie is my best friend!" Rose said, smiling proudly. Hunter and Shawn ran to the door, slamming and barricading it behind them.

By the time Adam and Jay showed up, Stephanie was at her wits end.

"Get. The. Morons." she said, a death glare sending chills down the boys spines.

"That's what we're here for," Jay said. "Sorry about Chris."

"Yeah," Adam said. "I don't know what made him think giving Hunt and Shawn pot was a good idea."

"I'll kill him later," Stephanie said. "Just please stop them before they hurt themselves."

Hunter and Shawn came downstairs, both dressed in hazmat suits with gas masks on. They had two portable vacuums with them as the stumbled towards the door.

"Hold on there bud," Adam said, grabbing Shawn by his collar. "What are you two doing?"

"Handling shit, son," Hunter said, holding up the vacuum. His eyes were still bloodshot and his movements slowed. "Those damn Ghostbusters won't come, so we've got to take care of business."

"You actually called the Ghostbusters?"

"Well, no," Shawn said. "We sent them an email, but they're taking too long. My god-daughter's soul is at stake!"

"Shawn," Adam said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "The Ghostbusters aren't real."

"That's why we have to do this ourselves."

"The Ghostbusters aren't real because _ghosts_ aren't real."

"But there's one talking to Rose right now!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Did you ever consider that it's her imaginary friend?"

Everyone stopped and looked over at Jay, the unlikely voice of reason.

"Um, no," Hunter said, throwing down the vacuum. "Do you… do you think we should?"

"YES, IDIOTS!" Stephanie said, banging her head against the wall. "For the love of all things sane, ASK HER!"

"Okay," Shawn said. "Yeah, let's go."

The four boys made their way to the backyard where Rose was swinging on her playground. She skidded to a stop and smiled sweetly at the adults. "Hi Daddy!"

"Sweetheart, will you tell us more about your friend Eddie?" Adam said, bending on one knee. Rose smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Sure! Well, Eddie's very smart. She does gymnastics and has a pony, and-"

"She?" Hunter and Shawn asked simultaneously.

"Yes Daddy," she said. "Eddie is a girl."

"Oh," they said with a sigh of relief.

"It's okay Hunter, Eddie is a girl."

"Yeah." They walked back in the house, all commenting on how high they were and how they'd kill Chis for selling to them. They were so caught up that they didn't notice the swing next to Rose start moving by itself.

"You father is very strange," a voice called, its body unseen by anyone but the young girl.

"Yeah I know," Rose said. "Trust me, I know."


End file.
